Monday, November 30, 2009

etc...


A new year is quickly approaching & I don't feel any different. Yet, I feel completely different.
Where did this year go? I feel like it blew past me before I even knew it was coming. I can't help but wonder did I live this year to the fullest?
Yes and no...I fell in love, started a folk band, started my major classes, etc. However, graduation got bumped a semester, I still don't have any idea what I'm going to do for my internship, my grades are suffering a stress-induced decline (18 hrs. of public relations courses kick my ass), etc. etc. etc.
It's also time for lists...Year's Best, Decade's Best and I'd like to contemplate some possible New Year's resolutions. For the "best of" lists, I'd like to do albums and movies. We'll see how that goes...
Speaking of lists...

Things I'm Thankful For:
#1: my Brandapanda
#2: my wonderful friends
#3: FASHION (see photo...)
#4: great music/jamming with my wonderful friends.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Am I a masochist?


I know how jealous I am. So,why do I ask? I always ask & then regret. I guess I just secretly wish I was slender & sexy & desirable, too.
Why does society make girls think they're borderline worthless if they're not the ideal that's in magazines & films & on stage? Why do we allow ourselves to subscribe to such bullshit ideologies? Why is it that we have allowed our society to create an image of what women should be?
Men idealize this fantasy. Women strive to be that picture in the magazine. Furthermore, they hate those who are and hate themselves when they're not.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers. I do, however, think about it a lot. I guess I even worry about it a lot.
Somewhere along the way, it all got into my head & I've convinced myself that if I don't look like this or act like that, even the love of my life, who I know would love me regardless, would somehow not find me beautiful or sexy enough.
As much as I don't want to care, I know that I do & it bothers me. I want to be happy with who I am, not what I seem to think I should be. Although, honestly, I am happy the majority of the time but then, whether it's hormones or just moments of weakness, there are a lot of times that I am not.
People are so fickle. I hate it when my boyfriend talks about some "hot chick" but I wouldn't like it if he didn't either. I always want to know, but then I'm upset when I know the truth.
Why the fuck does it matter?! Besides, as much as I like to think that I don't idealize certain men, I'm sure I absolutely do, consciously or not.
More than anything, I just want to be in people's heads. I want to know what's going on. I want to know how all this works. Why do we allow these ideals to ruin relationships, self-esteem, points of view?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ethos...


According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the definition of ethos is "the distinguishing character, sentiment, moral nature, or guiding beliefs of a person."
As a student of journalism, I have seen more than my fair share of ethical fallacies and lapses in judgment. Lately I have been wondering, what ever happened to good old fashioned character?
I have been working on a group project on Health Care for my Newswriting class. One of my group members scooped the interview and contact information that another group member had set up and acquired and claimed them as his own. The same group member wrote questions that were not only unnecessary for the story, but completely insensitive to the families that were being interviewed. He wanted to ask sick and dying people how their intimate lives had changed and other things that were entirely too personal and uncomfortable.
The group and I decided that we should ask all the same questions in all of the interviews to ensure consistency. I ended up losing my main interview and looking like an insensitive prick because that group member reworded all of my initial questions into things that my couple didn't feel comfortable answering.
Furthermore, when my interview fell through, my dad suggested that I interview my parents and change the names to pass as the other interview. This completely goes against my moral character. How can people really consider things like that as an option?
What happened to the days when business was conducted in a manner of sympathy and decency? Why do people think it's OK to hurt people and push others down in an attempt to make way for yourself? When did people stop being so humble and become self-righteous, self-interested, insensitive muckrakers?

What happened to ethos?!

Monday, November 2, 2009

I feel like...

I'm the conductor of the fail train & it's about to jump the tracks...















insidesocial.com(^image)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

indian summer









wallpepper.wordpress.com

Some things I have been enjoying lately:

*Warm-ish autumn days.
Indian summers are a truly beautiful thing! I love still being able to sit on my porch and enjoy a gorgeous day! There have only been a few days that have actually required a heavy coat so far, which I love. I'm not the winter type. My roommates and I actually sat in the yard in shorts and tee-shirts last week carving pumpkins. I found it quite humorous, actually.
*Lykke Li.
I'm obsessed. That is all.
*Concocting autumn-themed munchies.
Last night alone, I made snickerdoodle cookies with a drizzle of homemade buttercream frosting and Halloween sprinkles, savory roasted pumpkin seeds and a from-scratch pumpkin pie. I had never made a pumpkin pie with a legit pumpkin before. It was exciting and turned out spectacularly well!
*Being ahead on homework.
This semester has been eating me alive. I have been buried in homework since day one and, subsequently, have been losing my mind. This week, however, I have been at least one day ahead of schedule...it's actually a quite splendid feeling being able to watch movies and enjoy myself a little bit.
*Doing well on tests.
Unfortunately, I got a little too wrapped up in the glory of free time and ended up totally surpassing study time for my Principles of Public Relations exam that I had today. Regardless, it was a breeze!
*Seeing my boyfriend most of the weekend, every weekend.
Last weekend we got coffee, saw some friends, did dinner & a movie (Ponyo is precious, in case you were wondering), drove down some back-roads to get to Guitar Center to buy his birthday present (stopped at a pumpkin stand on the way), talked to our friend in rehab and spent approximately 2 1/2 hours bumming around Half-Price Books. This weekend, we are contemplating Old People Day (We want to dress up like old people and do "old people things" like feed the ducks and take long drives in the country...Just because that's probably what we would do anyhow, only more fun) and we get to party at my house in Kent for Halloween. It's going to be incredible. I can't wait.
*Getting interviews (Straylight Run: this Monday) and in-studio guests (saintseneca: TBA) for my radio show (Mondays, 12-2 a.m.)
Maybe, now we'll actually have a few people tune in? Midnight to 2 a.m. on a Monday simply has to be the shittiest slot to ever exist...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

and when i see you, i really see you upside-down.

Dorm living & I were never really meant to be, I don't think....I'm an outrageously personal individual sometimes. There are many times when I feel a desperate need to be alone & blare the music that gives me chillbumps & write or read or sing at the top of my lungs for hours on end. Listening to the first 5 words of my roommate's "Souljahboy" ringtone repeatedly, however, does not make that list!

I love, more than anything, finding new sources of inspiration! I have a somewhat-unparalleled infatuation with musicians, it seems. Although I do have some innate musical talent I don't see a career as an artist in the cards; however, I feel that I have the spirit of a musician! Have you ever read something & found yourself considering the author your kindred spirit? I get that a lot. Most recently, Vinnie Fiorello of Less Than Jake has astounded me with his mind of sheer brilliance. Not only does he have a ridiculously marketable resume but he is also one of the most primordially passionate people I've ever met. His blog makes me laugh, cry, contemplate & wish to be a better writer simultaneously. He is, in one word, incredible.

I feel like the worst of people sometimes. Why do I have to be the "heartbreaker" sometimes? This is not a role I asked for....

People seriously bother me when they are fake. What do they think they have to hide? Be yourself. Don't worry about what others think of you. (It's none of your business.) Life is too short to care. Do what you want & what makes you happy...What more can anyone expect of you? Why waste your time on things that make you hurt?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Anne Frank and the Holocaust Museum.

this past week i went to Washington DC for about half a day, which if you've ever been to DC you know that this is not enough time to do much. so i went to the Capitol and the Holocaust Memorial Museum. the Capitol was amazing. the architecture is simply incredible, such detail and precision...it's absolutely amazing, and just so much history! geez...i can't even tell you how amazing that was. and the Holocaust Museum......completely breathtaking! it broke my heart, but it was SO interesting. they had so many artifacts, it was incredible! they had diaries from victims, railcars that deported jews were transported in, bunks from auschwitz (one of the main concentration camps), shoes and luggage that were taken from the victims when they arrived at camps...it was just so amazing to be among these things that once belonged to these people that suffered so horrifically because of intolerance. it made me sick, but was awe inspiring at the same time. i can't even explain it. but i was really touched by it. i am so glad their stories are being told. there is no justification for what has been done to them, but this at least honors everything that they've suffered and is fighting the likelyhood of it ever happening again. i have a feeling this is one of my new major movements. i'm always up for supporting a good cause, and avoiding genocide and protecting human rights is a very worthy cause. it really is something that i feel strongly about, so expect more on the subject!

while there i got a card that had an excerpt from The Diary of Anne Frank, which sadly enough i still haven't read!!! i want to so badly though...but the excerpt was simply amazing so i really feel i need to post it.

"Do any of those people in their warm and cozy living rooms have any idea what kind of life a beggar leads?

Do any of those "good" and "kind" people ever wonder about the lives of so many of the children and adults around the? Granted, everyone has given a coin to a beggar at some time or another, though they usually just shove it into his hand and slam the door. And in most cases the generous donors think it's disgusting to touch that hand! Am I right or not? then, afterwards, people are amazed that beggars are so shameless! Wouldn't you be shameless too if you were treated more like a dog than a human being?

It's terrible, really terrible, that people treat each other this way in a country like Holland, which claims to have such a good social system and so many decent, upstanding citizens. In the eyes of most of the well-to-do, a beggar is an inferior being, somebody who's scruffy and unwashed, pushy and rude. But have they ever asked themselves how beggars got to be that way?

You should try comparing one of those beggar children with your own children! What's the difference? Yours are pretty and neat, the others are ugly and ragged! Is that all? Yes, that's all, that's the only difference. I you dressed one of those urchins in nice clothes and taught him good maners, there wouldn't be a whit of difference!

Everyone is born equal; we all come into the world helpless and innocent. We all breathe the same air, and many of us believe in the same God. And yet...and yet, to many people this one small difference is a huge one! It's huge because many people hae never realized what the difference is, for they would have discovered long ago that there's actually no difference at all!

Everyone is born equal; we will all die and shed our earthly glory. Riches, power and fame last for only a few short years. Why do we cling so desperately to these fleeting things? Why can't people who have money more than enough for their own needs give the rest to their fellow human beings? Why should anyone have to have such a hard life for those few short years on earth?

But above all, a gift should never be flung in someone's face---every person has a right to kindness. Why should you be nicer to a rich lady than to a poor one? Has anyone ever studied the difference in their characters?

Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness. If we were to start by adding to that goodness instead of stifling it, by giving poor people the feeling that they too are human beings, we wouldn't necessarily have to give money or material things, since not everyone has them to give.

Everything starts in small ways, so in this case you can begin in small ways too. On streetcars, for example, don't just offer your seat to rich mothers, think of the poor ones too. And say "excuse me" when you step on a poor person's toe, jut as you say it to a rich one.

It takes so little effort, yet it means so much. Why shouldn't you show a little kindness to those poor urchins who are already so deprived?

We all know that "example is better than precept." So set a good example, and it won't take long for others to follow. More and more people will become kind and generous, until finally no one will ever again look down on those without money.

Oh, if only we were already that far! If only Holland, then Europe, and finally the whole world realized how unfair it was being, if only the time would come when people treated each other with genuine goodwill, in the realization that we're all equal and that worldly things are transitory!

How wonderful it is that no one has to wait, but can start right now to gradually change the world! How wonderful it is that everyone, great and small, can immediately help bring about justice by giving of themselves!

As with so many things, most people seek justice in very different quarters, and grumble because they themselves receive so little of it.

Open your eyes, be fair in your own dealings first! Give whatever there is to give! You can always---always---give something, even if it's a simple act of kindness! If everyone were to give in this way and didn't scrimp on kindly words, there would be much more love and justice in the world!

Give and you shall recieve, much more that you ever thought possible. Give and give again. Keep hoping, keep trying, keep giving! People who give will never be poor!
If you follow this advice, whithin a few generations, people will never have to feel sorry for poor little beggar children again, because there won't be any!
The world has plenty of room, riches, money and beauty. God has created enough for each and every one of us. Let us begin by dividing it more fairly!
-March 26, 1944"

amazing.