Self-Love Is Not A Crime

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, then they leave. And thank God for it."- Richard the Texan; 'Eat, Pray, Love'

No matter how amicable, breakups are never an easy affair. There will always be hurt. There will always be that lurking sense of phantom limb syndrome; like a piece of you is missing...because there is a piece missing. When you devote yourself to a person and decide to break that connection, you each take a piece of each other with you. We become a mosaic of all of the people who have left our lives.

The only way to grow through this is to learn to love yourself again...as an individual, not one half of a couple. So many seem to view self-love as sin, as if it is pure pride. Self-love is not a crime. In fact, it is key to becoming whole. Self-love is vital in developing the ability to love deeper than you ever knew you could.

As long as you are looking for something or someone to fill a void in your soul, you will never be content. We must learn to love ourselves fully and completely, even the parts we hate, before we can expect anyone else to love us in the way that we deserve. How can we expect to extend love to others when we can't completely feel it ourselves?

There are many types of soul mates; I don't believe anyone can have just one great love in their lifetime. They may choose to commit themselves to one person, but that doesn't mean that they will never again have a deep and meaningful connection with another person.

As Richard the Texan mentions in 'Eat, Pray, Love', a true soul mate is someone that can tear down the walls that you have built around the most vulnerable and incomplete parts of yourself. They see the things that you hide away from the world out of fear, the things that you are ashamed of and too scared to face alone. Not all soul mates will build you back up, though. Sometimes others have to break you before you can find the pieces that were buried and broken all along. Then it is up to you to rebuild yourself.

Therefore, I encourage you to surround yourself with those who challenge you. This work is never easy, but it is so necessary. Build yourself up with a whole host of "soul mates," those who force you to see the worst parts of yourself. Find those who see deep inside you to the dark, cobwebbed corners of your mind. Those who truly love you, though, will help you pull the darkness into the light. Those are the ones worth waiting and building yourself up for.

SOPA + PIPA: Seek and Destroy

If you have internet access, but have somehow managed to escape hearing about SOPA and PIPA, you aren't doing it right! The internet is an amazing tool that has totally changed the face of society over the past few decades. We have seen some bold and interesting things arise from the WWW. Unfortunately, we have also seen some truly horrifying things.

As a blogger, social media enthusiast and twenty-something, I can't imagine the crippling effect that these bills would have on the way that people communicate, create and entertain. The internet has allowed people to share and learn at a rate that could have never been imagined before. To censor user-generated content is to censor the American people and we cannot stand for it.

I agree that piracy is a huge issue, especially when there are services like Spotify and Netflix that offer just about everything at your finger tips for a small monthly fee. However, we cannot allow the government to censor and shut down any website that they deem to be "a threat" or even just "facilitating theft."

Do you even realize how incredibly simple and common copyright infringement is? For example, if a blog were to even mention the new Beyoncé album and not credit it correctly, it could be shut down in an instant. Which is to say, that if bloggers are going to be held with such high esteem, they should be responsible for credibility...but that's a different topic entirely.

We are trivializing everything that we have built on the internet...the beautiful, intricate web of art and information. Yes, there are websites out there that the world wide web would probably be better without, but are you willing to sacrifice blogs, social media, wikis...any user-generated content, really...just to stop some douche bags from downloading porn and the new Nickelback CD? No, thanks...there's gotta be a better way.

Stand up now and STOP WEB CENSORSHIP!

Cinq enseignements

Despite the constant threat of the rain clouds on the horizon, things have never looked brighter. I smile with every pore and every cell. I belong precisely where I am. (I just know it.)

A morning in bed. A boy that makes me laugh. A good book. A strong coffee. I'm in sheer bliss as of late.

Some things I've learned lately:

un.) Things are immaterial and unimportant. Things can be replaced. Place your stake in who and what you love, not what you have.

deux.) Put yourself first and you can never get hurt. When you are doing what pleases you, others tend to share in your pleasure. Especially those who truly love you. Those who don't understand, probably aren't worth having around anyhow.

trois.) Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you. Seeing others perform well, or write well, or speak well will challenge you. Always work harder and find people that will push your boundaries.

quatre.) Every moment is an opportunity to learn. Every single person you meet has a story and a lesson if you will just take the time to listen. Never stop questioning. Never suppress your curiosity.

cinq.) Learn to appreciate silence. Or at least mere white noise. We are on overload. A bunch of "quiet-ophobics" and "sound-oholics." Live in your thoughts for a while and be peaceful in that.

Bruises on my face and a kitten that won't stop meowing

Writing used to be therapeutic for me. Now I feel like I don't have anything worth saying. I'm just stuck inside my head with my stupid, selfish thoughts.

Thoughts of debauchery; wishing for something more, but not knowing where to start. I feel insatiable.

Maybe I'm not the one that isn't giving enough. Maybe I don't expect enough out of him. I don't want to rock the boat again so I leave it be. But maybe that's not what I want. Maybe I deserve more.

I need some motivation and direction. I don't want to be stuck here but I don't want to leave either. I don't know what I want to do but I know I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now. My life is in shambles. Can someone please help me pick up the pieces?

P.S.

If anyone has any kitten training tips, I'm quite open to them. Gatsby is adorable but he is such a little shit.

I'm considering becoming an American in Paris...

Sometimes I feel insignificant. I've come to the realization lately that I put everything on myself. I run and work and worry. I put everything I have into the things that I do until I wither down to a single thread and at the end of the day, I still ask myself "Did I do enough? Am I enough?"

I will be a college-graduate in a few short weeks. I have lived in three different states and been in at least ten different schools, maybe more. I have seen both ends of the Atlantic. I have seen my father lose a two-year battle to Leukemia. I am 20 only years old.

I have done more in my life than some people who are double my age. I have the world at my feet, but I'm not always so self-confident.

Sometimes you have to crumble before you can rebuild. I may be a little weathered now, but I can feel something bursting at the seams. I'm ready for my next big adventure.

Cerebral Pining

I'm stuck in a nostalgic tidal wave and its threatening to pull me under.

Reminiscing is such a dangerous game. It starts out innocently enough but when your missing the ones you can't have and misunderstanding the ones you do, there's no way you can win. You're just stuck in your own head, with all the things you wish you could forget. You can't let go. You can't FUCKING let go.

All the memories (yours and mine) come flooding in. They march out of the darkest, cobwebbed corners of your brain. You thought they were dead but they were just pretending. They're threatening to take down everything that you have built for yourself. Everything that you worked for and lived for and bled for. You're watching it all fall.

All that's left to wonder is:

Can I pull myself back out of the rabbit hole or is it too late (again)?

Rose tinted lies

I look at old photographs. Frozen moments in time. Me, my lover, my teddy bear, Mohican State Park, my friends, my family. Mementos of a different time.
I don't know if the world was really simpler, but it sure seemed that way. Back when the pale white walls of my room bore no signs of being inhabited. Before I called this still seeming foreign place home. Back when it was just me, Marilyn and Audrey.
They both seem so perfect, frozen forever in film reels. Never aging, never tiring. Just entirely lovely.
But that's a dream world. That place doesn't exist anymore.
It's just another rose tinted lie.