etc...

A new year is quickly approaching & I don't feel any different. Yet, I feel completely different.
Where did this year go? I feel like it blew past me before I even knew it was coming. I can't help but wonder did I live this year to the fullest?
Yes and no...I fell in love, started a folk band, started my major classes, etc. However, graduation got bumped a semester, I still don't have any idea what I'm going to do for my internship, my grades are suffering a stress-induced decline (18 hrs. of public relations courses kick my ass), etc. etc. etc.
It's also time for lists...Year's Best, Decade's Best and I'd like to contemplate some possible New Year's resolutions. For the "best of" lists, I'd like to do albums and movies. We'll see how that goes...
Speaking of lists...

Things I'm Thankful For:
#1: my Brandapanda
#2: my wonderful friends
#3: FASHION (see photo...)
#4: great music/jamming with my wonderful friends.

Am I a masochist?

I know how jealous I am. So,why do I ask? I always ask & then regret. I guess I just secretly wish I was slender & sexy & desirable, too.
Why does society make girls think they're borderline worthless if they're not the ideal that's in magazines & films & on stage? Why do we allow ourselves to subscribe to such bullshit ideologies? Why is it that we have allowed our society to create an image of what women should be?
Men idealize this fantasy. Women strive to be that picture in the magazine. Furthermore, they hate those who are and hate themselves when they're not.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers. I do, however, think about it a lot. I guess I even worry about it a lot.
Somewhere along the way, it all got into my head & I've convinced myself that if I don't look like this or act like that, even the love of my life, who I know would love me regardless, would somehow not find me beautiful or sexy enough.
As much as I don't want to care, I know that I do & it bothers me. I want to be happy with who I am, not what I seem to think I should be. Although, honestly, I am happy the majority of the time but then, whether it's hormones or just moments of weakness, there are a lot of times that I am not.
People are so fickle. I hate it when my boyfriend talks about some "hot chick" but I wouldn't like it if he didn't either. I always want to know, but then I'm upset when I know the truth.
Why the fuck does it matter?! Besides, as much as I like to think that I don't idealize certain men, I'm sure I absolutely do, consciously or not.
More than anything, I just want to be in people's heads. I want to know what's going on. I want to know how all this works. Why do we allow these ideals to ruin relationships, self-esteem, points of view?

Ethos...

According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the definition of ethos is "the distinguishing character, sentiment, moral nature, or guiding beliefs of a person."
As a student of journalism, I have seen more than my fair share of ethical fallacies and lapses in judgment. Lately I have been wondering, what ever happened to good old fashioned character?
I have been working on a group project on Health Care for my Newswriting class. One of my group members scooped the interview and contact information that another group member had set up and acquired and claimed them as his own. The same group member wrote questions that were not only unnecessary for the story, but completely insensitive to the families that were being interviewed. He wanted to ask sick and dying people how their intimate lives had changed and other things that were entirely too personal and uncomfortable.
The group and I decided that we should ask all the same questions in all of the interviews to ensure consistency. I ended up losing my main interview and looking like an insensitive prick because that group member reworded all of my initial questions into things that my couple didn't feel comfortable answering.
Furthermore, when my interview fell through, my dad suggested that I interview my parents and change the names to pass as the other interview. This completely goes against my moral character. How can people really consider things like that as an option?
What happened to the days when business was conducted in a manner of sympathy and decency? Why do people think it's OK to hurt people and push others down in an attempt to make way for yourself? When did people stop being so humble and become self-righteous, self-interested, insensitive muckrakers?

What happened to ethos?!

I feel like...

I'm the conductor of the fail train & it's about to jump the tracks...

insidesocial.com(^image)