Self-Love Is Not A Crime

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, then they leave. And thank God for it."- Richard the Texan; 'Eat, Pray, Love'

No matter how amicable, breakups are never an easy affair. There will always be hurt. There will always be that lurking sense of phantom limb syndrome; like a piece of you is missing...because there is a piece missing. When you devote yourself to a person and decide to break that connection, you each take a piece of each other with you. We become a mosaic of all of the people who have left our lives.

The only way to grow through this is to learn to love yourself again...as an individual, not one half of a couple. So many seem to view self-love as sin, as if it is pure pride. Self-love is not a crime. In fact, it is key to becoming whole. Self-love is vital in developing the ability to love deeper than you ever knew you could.

As long as you are looking for something or someone to fill a void in your soul, you will never be content. We must learn to love ourselves fully and completely, even the parts we hate, before we can expect anyone else to love us in the way that we deserve. How can we expect to extend love to others when we can't completely feel it ourselves?

There are many types of soul mates; I don't believe anyone can have just one great love in their lifetime. They may choose to commit themselves to one person, but that doesn't mean that they will never again have a deep and meaningful connection with another person.

As Richard the Texan mentions in 'Eat, Pray, Love', a true soul mate is someone that can tear down the walls that you have built around the most vulnerable and incomplete parts of yourself. They see the things that you hide away from the world out of fear, the things that you are ashamed of and too scared to face alone. Not all soul mates will build you back up, though. Sometimes others have to break you before you can find the pieces that were buried and broken all along. Then it is up to you to rebuild yourself.

Therefore, I encourage you to surround yourself with those who challenge you. This work is never easy, but it is so necessary. Build yourself up with a whole host of "soul mates," those who force you to see the worst parts of yourself. Find those who see deep inside you to the dark, cobwebbed corners of your mind. Those who truly love you, though, will help you pull the darkness into the light. Those are the ones worth waiting and building yourself up for.