Continued introspection and a new curiosity

so, i find myself more and more often getting into moods where i just want to be by myself and read, journal, and/or just listen to music. i'm becoming more and more introverted. yet becoming more and more loving and accepting/extroverted. i'm not really sure how to explain it. i'm not really sure what to think of this new introversion either because it's so different from how i've always been.
for almost all my life i've been EXTREMELY extroverted and out in the open with myself. i've always been very codependent and couldn't be by myself for very long. but now i only want to be by myself sometimes.

i've also become ridiculously curious! i always want to learn something new and find new things to love and appreciate. other religions and cultures and schools of thought have always intrigued me but i never really got into any of it and looked things up and such until now.



i've just become really deep and introverted recently. i don't completely understand it...but i like it! i love to read again! for so long i hated reading and didn't want anything to do with it but now all of a sudden i want to read everything i can get my hands on!!!!

is anyone else going through anything of the sort? or anything unrelated even...i really want to hear others' thoughts!!! i want to hear from you!!! :)

i realized tonight that i am the epitome of what a person SHOULD NOT be.

not because i think i'm unattractive or fat or anything of that sort because i'm not. but because i'm insecure and let things that people say get to me. i didn't use to...but i've become a self-seeking, others-pleasing person. because i'm a hypocrite and even though i hate it when people are insecure and can't stand up for themselves...i am exactly that. because i want change in the world...yet i do nothing. because i'm comfortable...

i don't want to be comfortable with being comfortable.
i want to be put in someone else's shoes...someone who's barely making it.
someone who doesn't know luxury and comfort the way i do.
i want to appreciate what i have and not take it for granted.
i don't want to be bothered by someone's judgement of my appearance.
i want to be a revolutionary...
i want to do more than just say things...





i want to do them.

today is the beginning...of introspection and inspiration.

I felt particularly introspective and inspired today.



I went and bought a journal...
I never liked journals...I would always look back at them and think "I was really dumb to write that."
I really hope that doesn't happen this time.
I love the idea of publishing my thoughts...it really intrigues me for some reason.

I'm really loving Stephen Christian right now. Not like mancrush kind of love but incredible human being kind of love.
I've been reading his blogs and it's ridiculous how inspiring that guy is!
He can look at such simple things and be 100% inspired.
I strive to be that way.
I truly have had a longing to make a real and definite change for a while...but never did anything about it....




until now...