I know how jealous I am. So,why do I ask? I always ask & then regret. I guess I just secretly wish I was slender & sexy & desirable, too.
Why does society make girls think they're borderline worthless if they're not the ideal that's in magazines & films & on stage? Why do we allow ourselves to subscribe to such bullshit ideologies? Why is it that we have allowed our society to create an image of what women should be?
Men idealize this fantasy. Women strive to be that picture in the magazine. Furthermore, they hate those who are and hate themselves when they're not.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers. I do, however, think about it a lot. I guess I even worry about it a lot.
Somewhere along the way, it all got into my head & I've convinced myself that if I don't look like this or act like that, even the love of my life, who I know would love me regardless, would somehow not find me beautiful or sexy enough.
As much as I don't want to care, I know that I do & it bothers me. I want to be happy with who I am, not what I seem to think I should be. Although, honestly, I am happy the majority of the time but then, whether it's hormones or just moments of weakness, there are a lot of times that I am not.
People are so fickle. I hate it when my boyfriend talks about some "hot chick" but I wouldn't like it if he didn't either. I always want to know, but then I'm upset when I know the truth.
Why the fuck does it matter?! Besides, as much as I like to think that I don't idealize certain men, I'm sure I absolutely do, consciously or not.
More than anything, I just want to be in people's heads. I want to know what's going on. I want to know how all this works. Why do we allow these ideals to ruin relationships, self-esteem, points of view?
